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What Story Am I Making Up?

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Recently, a friend told me about a quote she heard on a podcast by Brene Brown. She said, “What story are you making up?” It took me a second, but then I began to understand what she meant. And it hit me. I make up stories all day long. Instead of living in the what is, I live in the ‘what might be,’ especially when it comes to my family. Since our daughter came home to us in 2011, I have parented in a style that anticipates everything: her needs, her desires, the possibilities of what might happen. A counselor once called it ‘lawnmower’ parenting…clearing the way of anything she might encounter that would be hard. As a kiddo who is likely to experience hardship in some areas, I’ve just assumed that she would and I’ve tried to parent defensively for things that may or may not ever occur. I’ve become a master at anticipating her needs before she even has them. And I find myself trying to live out of a reality that hasn’t even happened (and most likely won’t!). It has affected my relat

325 Gigabytes

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325 Gigabytes That's how many pictures we have on our hard drive. Today, I am sorting through photos. I double-click on the hard drive to open it, then “Miller backup,” then “pictures.” I find the list of around 100 folders, each named by month and year. I begin to compile them into new folders in five-year increments. Photos from a musical I was in in 2007? How can that be 13 years ago? And our trip to Taiwan to adopt our daughter? Almost 9 years ago. As I move the most recent photos from my phone into their “September 2020” folder, I stop for a second, sad when I realize that September is over. I’ll never add another memory to that folder. In the blink of an eye, I’ll be looking back on September 2020 from somewhere down the line. I’ve always been the photo/video taker in our family. At times, it’s become a distraction from being in the moment. I want so badly to hold on to whatever we’re doing, that I’m determined to capture it, even if it means missing out on some of the ‘l

46 years, 364 days

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 Tomorrow, I will turn 47. That means that today, I’ve been in this world for 17,154 days. That’s a long time to have already lived. I was telling Justin this morning that in the past, on the day before my birthday, I usually would think about the things I haven’t done: The changes unmade, the pounds undropped, the relationships unforged. I’ve always been pretty hard on myself. I expect a lot of myself, but I also see (glaringly) where I fall short of my own unrealistic expectations. But finally, gently, year by year, grace is breaking through. The same grace I try to extend to others in my life is beginning to take root in my daily existence. I could sit here tonight and write about all that I’m not, all that I haven’t accomplished, and all that I don’t do. But as I scoot closer to 50 than to 40, I’ve decided that I’m going to celebrate. I’m going to celebrate the moments, the people, the real, the grit, the pain, and the soul-deep JOY that life is. There’s something sobering about re

What I learned from the Grinch during Advent 2019

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Everybody knows about the Grinch who Stole Christmas. It’s a classic. I remember hearing it when I was a kid, then reading it when I was older, now reading it every year to my daughter. It’s terrible what the Grinch does, right? He doesn’t like Christmas. That in itself is a little strange to me because I’ve always loved the season. But I know not everyone does, so the sentiment is not too hard to imagine. But he doesn’t just not like it…he hates it…the noise, the presents, the decorations, the singing, the food. Wait, what? He doesn’t even like the feasting that happens at Christmas! It’s just all too much for him, presumably because he has no one with which to share it. So what’s his plan? He decides to steal Christmas. Um? How does one steal a holiday? “I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming,” he says, in his grinchy voice. And inside, we all chuckle, knowing that no one can literally stop Christmas from coming. So, with the reluctant help of his dog Max (who i

Home Assignment Speaking Schedule

Here are the churches we'll be speaking in while on Home Assignment, April 12-August 6. We hope to see you! April 14, 2019, 8:30 and 10:30 a.m. (HST): Pukalani Church of the Nazarene, 211 Hiwalani Loop, Makawao, HI 96768 April 28, 2019, 10:45 a.m. (eastern): Knoxville First Church of the Nazarene, 538 Vanosdale Road, Knoxville, TN 37909 April 28, 2019, 6:00 p.m. (eastern): Cleveland First Church of the Nazarene, 2712 Henderson Avenue NE, Cleveland, TN 37312 May 5, 2019, 9:30 and 11:00 a.m. (central): Real Life Community Church of the Nazarene, 2022 East Main Street, Murfreesboro, TN May 5, 2019, 6:00 p.m. (central): Lebanon First Church of the Nazarene, 812 N. Cumberland Street, Lebanon, TN 37087 May 19, 2019, 10:00 a.m. AND 6:00 p.m. (central): Shelbyville First Church of the Nazarene, 834 Union Street, Shelbyville, TN 37160 May 26, 2019, 10:45 a.m. (eastern): Chattanooga First Church of the Nazarene, 5455 North Terrace, Chattanooga, TN  June 2, 2019, 10:55 a.m. (

Amazed

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Luke 2:19 (New Living Translation) “...but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.” I’ve been reading through Luke in anticipation of Christmas this year. What I’ve found pretty interesting is how AMAZED Mary is—not just once, when the angel comes to tell her she’ll have a baby, not twice, when Elizabeth tells her the baby inside her own womb leaped upon hearing Mary’s voice, and not even three times, when the shepherds come to honor the child and no doubt tell about the angels…she is AMAZED over and over again. Those instances are just the beginning. After that, Luke documents her amazement (Luke 2:33) when Simeon, who had looked for the Messiah his entire life, proclaims that Jesus is the one sent from God. She’s then described as confused when Jesus explains why he was in the temple talking with the religious leaders. So many things happen to Mary in the first two chapters of Luke. Unlike us, she couldn’t see the story set out in front of

Five Things

Five things *Holiness Learning is the name of the game on the mission field. And not just the “fuzzy” lessons that are neat revelations that feel good. I’m talking about the yucky, “I don’t want to learn this” kinds of lessons. As a relatively new Nazarene, I’m continually learning about what it means to be part of a holiness denomination. That may sound like high church talk, but at its core, holiness is allowing the Holy Spirit to work in you continually in an ongoing re-making into the character of Christ. It’s humility and patience and self-control and many other tough-to-learn characteristics of the Savior. According to the father of our tradition, John Wesley, this change is both “instantaneous and ongoing.” I love this. Marriage has been the best teacher of this concept for me. I made the decision to make a vow to Justin on 10-16-06, but that wasn’t the end. The relationship I have with him continues to grow…some days it feels good and immersive, and other days, we are t