Court Holdups and other Hiccups



I cannot believe it's been a month since I posted.  Five months ago today, we got our first phone call and found out that Amber Joy (Chiah-Hui) existed.  It seems like yesterday, and yet, SO much has happened in five months.  One of the most vivid memories I have is that we used over 700 cell phone minutes in that first week when we found out about our sweet baby.  We had so many people to tell and so many details to cover as we tried to find out about switching our homestudy to international from domestic, when we would get photos, and asking Jeff, our referral source, 1,000 questions. 

Here's the latest:  last Monday, another family that is working with the missionary in Taiwan had their first court date.  When the missionary was at court, she asked about our case.  She was told that they were missing a social work report on the birthmom.  We were told that the social worker was trying to 'find' the birthmom, but it turns out, birthmom was never missing.  She lives and works in another part of Taiwan and so we thought that the social worker was just having trouble getting in touch with her.  Today we found out that the social worker was just assigned to the case two days ago (not sure what the holdup was with the court).  Our court date was August 18 so it has been way too long for a social worker to just now be getting the assignment.  Anyway, the good news is that the social worker is aware of what needs to be done and the missionary is on top of things! 

I told my mom last night that if it turns out that we are not going to have Amber Joy home by Christmas, we may choose to go on over together so we can spend her first Christmas with our daughter.  Truly, there is nothing else in this world I want for Christmas than to be with her.  She is eight months old now, and up to 12 lbs.  We were excited to find out about her personality a bit...she loves to be held and stops crying when she is cuddled!  She loves attention and stops fussing when she gets it.  Sounds like her momma! She is for the most part, content.  Is it possible to love someone so much that we have never met?  I say, undoubtedly, YES.  I cannot even imagine how we could love her more, but I know that it will multiply when we hold her in our arms.

My challenge recently has been to not make everything about our adoption.  I am constantly learning about myself throughout this process and I realize that I have really high highs and really low lows.  Life has centered on the adoption and I am glued to my computer and my cell phone.  Honestly, it's been a struggle at times to even connect with Justin.  He is still working full-time, so his attentions are elsewhere and he admits that is how he likes it.  He has said that he focuses on work (mostly) when he's at work, so his anxiety over the adoption is not always at the forefront of his mind.  We cope differently with stress.  He tries to be strong for me and doesn't express himself completely.  I've seen the effects of this scattered existence in me over the past couple of weeks.  I haven't slept well, constantly waking up, wanting to check my e-mail, facebook, and just thinking about our daughter, what she's doing, and longing, almost to the point of physical pain at times, just to hold her.  I don't eat as well as I should, either too much or not enough depending on the day, and I can't remember details about everyday things. 

Imagine giving birth to a child, getting pictures and videos, and just knowing she's in the world, but for reasons beyond your control, you cannot hold her or bond with her.  I thought the hardest part of adoption was waiting on a referral.  I was wrong.  For us, it has been knowing that we have a daughter who is halfway around the world who doesn't even realize that we exist.  She doesn't yet know how much she is loved, adored, and yearned for. 

Soon...very soon, she will.

Isaiah 43:5: Do not be afraid, for I am with you.  I will bring your children from the east...

Comments

  1. Precious friend...I feel your pain. So many hiccups, so much frustration, and the anxiety, ugh!!! Knowing that God is in control, and feeling it in the moment are two different things. I completely understand and am feeling the same way right now. I'm praying that you get your first ruling very, very soon! I can only imagine your angst right now knowing that someone dropped the ball. How very frustrating.

    Warren deals with everything the same way as Justin does. It helps him to go to work and focus on something else. Then he doesn't have to think about the many unknowns of the adoption.

    I'm praying for you and can't wait to hear that your first ruling has come in. Praying that you travel before Christmas to bring her home, not just visit:O)

    Love,
    Jenn

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  2. Oh I remember this time well...knowing that your child is on the other side of the world and you can do nothing to bridge the gap or make the time go faster. Adoption is such a spiritual journey of trust, waiting, and depending on Him through it all. Praying for God's perfect peace for you today and that you will be holding your precious Amber Joy by Christmas. Trust Him and His perfect timing.

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