The Best Day
My girl is snuggled safe and warm in her bed after 13 hours of one of the most wonderful days we've ever had. What's funny is that when it started, I almost let it get away. We didn't have big plans. Lately, life has been busy. Not anything special, just life. Weekend trips, everyday tasks, checklists, laundry, new job training for me, and did I say laundry? I've come to a very important conclusion about laundry and dishes so listen closely: they will ALWAYS be there. They will never, ever be done forever, so the best thing to do is just try not to let all the clean clothes or clean dishes run out before you do wash some. I digress.
Justin's job has been keeping him late, getting him early, and he had to work all day today, our first Saturday that we could have spent as a family in the last several weeks. He so wished he could have been with us today. He and I had a date night last night which, I must confess, we spent at a teenie bopper movie we didn't love, and then we argued at dinner. It's hard to stay connected when my job as a stay-at-home mom and his job as a high functioner in the IT world don't bring us together much during the week. We ended the date on a good note, and I even cried when it was time to go home. We had just gotten into the good conversation and enjoyment of hanging out together.
I really think God knew that Amber Joy and I needed today. Our souls needed to connect, not just go through the motions of mother and daughter. What happened today was nothing monumental in the eyes of anyone else, but that's my trouble a lot of times. I compare my "brand" of motherhood to others, and even to my own expectations of myself and guess what? I don't measure up. Then I feel guilty and it's this vicious cycle of setting myself up for what I think I SHOULD be doing, then I'm not that, then I wonder what's wrong with me that I can't do things as good as others or as well as I think I am supposed to, and I start over with high expectations...It's never-ending. Somebody told me this week that I overthink things. Um, yes.
Even though I wasn't happy about Justin having to work all day on a Saturday and in spite of not having a plan for our day past the morning, I woke up feeling good about hanging out with my favorite 3-year-old. She has radar and she knows when I'm up. It doesn't matter if I manage to get out of bed at 6 to enjoy some quiet time before she makes her entrance, she has a secret sensor in her bed that tells her "mommy's up, that means you can be too!" She was up before 7 a.m. and Justin left just before that. We took it easy this morning, toast and coffee. But there was this moment...if I hadn't paid attention, I would have missed it. She crawled up in my lap as I turned on a movie she had never seen before, "Thumbelina." She sat so still for so long, mesmerized by the movie. I didn't want it to end. It has been too long since I just sat there with my daughter, not thinking of what I need to get done next, but just soaking her in. I found myself wanting to know her, learn her, and memorize everything about these moments. At one point in the movie, the fairy prince comes to Thumbelina's house riding on a bumblebee. Amber Joy looked at me and very matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I want to ride a bumblebee too!" She is starting to dream. I'm so glad she can dream with me.
We finally got ourselves up and out the door for the part of the day that had been planned-- we went with my dad to the Tennessee Central Railway Museum in Nashville. We spent the morning watching model train sets by the serious train enthusiasts and touring one of the 1950's trains they have on site. Amber Joy got a wooden model train set, too. She had some whiny, fussy moments, but hey, a 3-year-old day wouldn't be complete without those, right?
When we got home, I put her down for a nap and she slept for over two hours. When she woke up, she asked to go outside. My honest first thought was, "I'm tired and I don't really want to go outside today. We have plenty of toys to play with inside." But as I learned at my retreat for Adoptive moms two weeks ago, most of the time when we say "no" to our kids, it's about our own selfishness. So I said "yes." Amber Joy has been begging me to paint. We took the easel, paint, paintbrushes, smock and water outside and she painted. Then we did bubbles. Then we planted three starter seed sets for strawberries, basil, and tomato. And we got dirty! She laughed, played in the dirt, and even wanted to go barefoot while we were outside. It wasn't what we were doing that was important...it was the way we were doing it. No expectations of each other, no hurried getting from here to there...just us, making memories.
There's a small playground at the community center in our area of town. It's within walking distance, so we headed over to enjoy the last couple of hours of sunlight and warmth. Amber Joy loves the swing, so of course that's where we spent most of our time. But then we climbed up to the top of the "fort" and we laid down on our backs, head to head. Without a word, she climbed onto my chest and laid her head down. I hope that even when I'm old and gray, I never forget that moment.
After we chased two random roosters that were roaming around the playground, it was time to head home. As I pushed her in the stroller, she waved her little American flag that she loves and sang, "Jesus Loves Me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so...ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP...God bless America, land that I love..." She sings all.the.time. I love that she is finding her personality and her voice. And I love that the Heavenly Father has seen fit to let me bear witness to these miracles. Oh yes, there are miracles here. The everyday, no plans, trains, bubbles, dirt, paint, playgrounds, roosters, strollers, singing miracles. It's in these little things that I see who my daughter is becoming and she sees her mommy for the silly, girls-just-want-to-have-fun, singing, woman I am.
Justin's job has been keeping him late, getting him early, and he had to work all day today, our first Saturday that we could have spent as a family in the last several weeks. He so wished he could have been with us today. He and I had a date night last night which, I must confess, we spent at a teenie bopper movie we didn't love, and then we argued at dinner. It's hard to stay connected when my job as a stay-at-home mom and his job as a high functioner in the IT world don't bring us together much during the week. We ended the date on a good note, and I even cried when it was time to go home. We had just gotten into the good conversation and enjoyment of hanging out together.
I really think God knew that Amber Joy and I needed today. Our souls needed to connect, not just go through the motions of mother and daughter. What happened today was nothing monumental in the eyes of anyone else, but that's my trouble a lot of times. I compare my "brand" of motherhood to others, and even to my own expectations of myself and guess what? I don't measure up. Then I feel guilty and it's this vicious cycle of setting myself up for what I think I SHOULD be doing, then I'm not that, then I wonder what's wrong with me that I can't do things as good as others or as well as I think I am supposed to, and I start over with high expectations...It's never-ending. Somebody told me this week that I overthink things. Um, yes.
Even though I wasn't happy about Justin having to work all day on a Saturday and in spite of not having a plan for our day past the morning, I woke up feeling good about hanging out with my favorite 3-year-old. She has radar and she knows when I'm up. It doesn't matter if I manage to get out of bed at 6 to enjoy some quiet time before she makes her entrance, she has a secret sensor in her bed that tells her "mommy's up, that means you can be too!" She was up before 7 a.m. and Justin left just before that. We took it easy this morning, toast and coffee. But there was this moment...if I hadn't paid attention, I would have missed it. She crawled up in my lap as I turned on a movie she had never seen before, "Thumbelina." She sat so still for so long, mesmerized by the movie. I didn't want it to end. It has been too long since I just sat there with my daughter, not thinking of what I need to get done next, but just soaking her in. I found myself wanting to know her, learn her, and memorize everything about these moments. At one point in the movie, the fairy prince comes to Thumbelina's house riding on a bumblebee. Amber Joy looked at me and very matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I want to ride a bumblebee too!" She is starting to dream. I'm so glad she can dream with me.
We finally got ourselves up and out the door for the part of the day that had been planned-- we went with my dad to the Tennessee Central Railway Museum in Nashville. We spent the morning watching model train sets by the serious train enthusiasts and touring one of the 1950's trains they have on site. Amber Joy got a wooden model train set, too. She had some whiny, fussy moments, but hey, a 3-year-old day wouldn't be complete without those, right?
When we got home, I put her down for a nap and she slept for over two hours. When she woke up, she asked to go outside. My honest first thought was, "I'm tired and I don't really want to go outside today. We have plenty of toys to play with inside." But as I learned at my retreat for Adoptive moms two weeks ago, most of the time when we say "no" to our kids, it's about our own selfishness. So I said "yes." Amber Joy has been begging me to paint. We took the easel, paint, paintbrushes, smock and water outside and she painted. Then we did bubbles. Then we planted three starter seed sets for strawberries, basil, and tomato. And we got dirty! She laughed, played in the dirt, and even wanted to go barefoot while we were outside. It wasn't what we were doing that was important...it was the way we were doing it. No expectations of each other, no hurried getting from here to there...just us, making memories.
There's a small playground at the community center in our area of town. It's within walking distance, so we headed over to enjoy the last couple of hours of sunlight and warmth. Amber Joy loves the swing, so of course that's where we spent most of our time. But then we climbed up to the top of the "fort" and we laid down on our backs, head to head. Without a word, she climbed onto my chest and laid her head down. I hope that even when I'm old and gray, I never forget that moment.
After we chased two random roosters that were roaming around the playground, it was time to head home. As I pushed her in the stroller, she waved her little American flag that she loves and sang, "Jesus Loves Me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so...ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP...God bless America, land that I love..." She sings all.the.time. I love that she is finding her personality and her voice. And I love that the Heavenly Father has seen fit to let me bear witness to these miracles. Oh yes, there are miracles here. The everyday, no plans, trains, bubbles, dirt, paint, playgrounds, roosters, strollers, singing miracles. It's in these little things that I see who my daughter is becoming and she sees her mommy for the silly, girls-just-want-to-have-fun, singing, woman I am.
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