Today, I realized it has been over a month since my last post.  Most of you know that the birthmother we had been speaking to made the decision to go with another family.  It was hard.  It was weird and a different emotion than I had ever felt.  We had just started to put our toes in the water of hopefulness when we were forced to jerk ourselves back from the edge.  To make things tougher, during the week we had been speaking with the birthmom, she found out that the baby was a little girl.  I used to think I wanted a boy, and of course we will be ecstatic about any child who finds its way into our home, but the idea of having a little girl is a dream for lots of moms.  I think that I moped around for about another week after we found out this was not our baby, and then I began to get that glint in my eye again, remembering that, in the end, when I have my baby in my arms, all of this waiting and heartache, like labor pains, will just be a memory.  This wait has strengthened my faith in God in new ways and if our struggle helps us to point others toward the source of our hope, then so be it.  I can't believe I'm saying this, honestly, because just 12 short years ago, I was of the very strong opinion that God should be doing everything in his power to make our lives good.  Afterall, we spend a lot of time praying for those we know who are sick, hurting, struggling, hungry, and worn.  And I do believe we should continue to pray for peace within, strength, and courage as they face these issues, but I have begun to feel that, at least for me, good, easy, and stress-free living is not necessarily the best way to get the gospel of Christ out to the world.  It's the curveballs of living that make me reconsider everything I knew and believed up to that point and hopefully, with the support of friends and family, I can turn that curveball into an opportunity to direct people to the One who carries me through.  My mom had a short, simple quote on her desk while Amber was sick and long after her death.  It has never left me:  "God will either calm the storm, or calm you while He allows the storm to rage."  The part that always eluded me was the fact that I have to choose to allow God to calm me during the storm!  God didn't create robots!  We still have to choose to let him do his work, even in the midst of the yucky of life.  

Justin and I have continued to grow closer to each other during our now 8-month-wait since approval for adoption.  We have been able to take some trips, have a few more planned, and our communication with each other has never been better.  With each passing day, I am more grateful for the time I am able to spend at home now, preparing our house for the baby, cleaning out pantries and closets, filling up boxes to take to Goodwill, and catching up on relationships through lunches, e-mails, and visits.  I keep children as much as I can, both for the experience and because being with them brings me joy!  I have been teaching a youth girls Sunday School class and working with the children on Wednesday nights.  We love our church family, mainly because we feel we can be ourselves there.  If we are down, it's OK.  If we are happy and hopeful, it's OK too.  

Thank you all for all of your prayers, good wishes, and messages to us lately.  We hope that it won't be too much longer when we will get to blog about our precious baby!  Don't forget to order a t-shirt...just click on the banner on the right-hand side of the blog.  

I have some prayers, etc. that have meant a lot to me over the past few years especially, and I wanted to share them here:

Today, may there be peace within.  May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.  May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.  May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.  May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.  Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.  It is there for each and every one.

This is what the Lord requires of you: To do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.  Micah 6:8

The Welcoming Prayer Method

Focus, feel, and sink into the feelings, emotions, thoughts, sensations, and commentaries in your body.

Welcome the Divine Indwelling in the feelings, emotions, thoughts, commentaries, or sensations in your body by saying "Welcome."

Let go by repeating the following sentences:
"I let go of the desire for security, affection, control."

"I let go of the desire to change this feeling/sensation." 


Popular posts from this blog

Aunt Stephanie's Favorite Weather

46 years, 364 days

325 Gigabytes