Showing posts from October, 2020

What Story Am I Making Up?

Recently, a friend told me about a quote she heard on a podcast by Brene Brown. She said, “What story are you making up?” It took me a second, but then I began to understand what she meant. And it hit me. I make up stories all day long. Instead of living in the what is, I live in the ‘what might be,’ especially when it comes to my family. Since our daughter came home to us in 2011, I have parented in a style that anticipates everything: her needs, her desires, the possibilities of what might happen. A counselor once called it ‘lawnmower’ parenting…clearing the way of anything she might encounter that would be hard. As a kiddo who is likely to experience hardship in some areas, I’ve just assumed that she would and I’ve tried to parent defensively for things that may or may not ever occur. I’ve become a master at anticipating her needs before she even has them. And I find myself trying to live out of a reality that hasn’t even happened (and most likely won’t!). It has affected my relat

325 Gigabytes

325 Gigabytes That's how many pictures we have on our hard drive. Today, I am sorting through photos. I double-click on the hard drive to open it, then “Miller backup,” then “pictures.” I find the list of around 100 folders, each named by month and year. I begin to compile them into new folders in five-year increments. Photos from a musical I was in in 2007? How can that be 13 years ago? And our trip to Taiwan to adopt our daughter? Almost 9 years ago. As I move the most recent photos from my phone into their “September 2020” folder, I stop for a second, sad when I realize that September is over. I’ll never add another memory to that folder. In the blink of an eye, I’ll be looking back on September 2020 from somewhere down the line. I’ve always been the photo/video taker in our family. At times, it’s become a distraction from being in the moment. I want so badly to hold on to whatever we’re doing, that I’m determined to capture it, even if it means missing out on some of the ‘l