Take Heart 'cause Beautiful Things are comin!

You know those songs that just get you every time?  The ones that you have to turn up really loudly in your car and you don't care who's watching as you sing your little heart out?  I have two of those right now and both of them reflect some deep, deep stuff I've been working through in my heart lately.  See, most people who know me probably would not describe me as a perfectionist.  I'm not really what I would call "Type A" personality, and I sort of 'go with the flow' when it comes to how our days go, especially with Amber Joy.  But it's a facade.  I think I'm discovering that way down deep, I don't like change, I like to know what's coming next, and I most certainly like to have a life that at least feels 'orderly.'  Maybe it's about security?  And I'm not sure why I need for other people to think I'm NOT anal about things when I really am...and probably I just overthink all of this (a trait I've been aware of for quite some time).  I overthink EVERYTHING. 

Anyway, back to the two songs of the moment.  I could seriously listen to these two songs over and over and over again and not get tired of them.  The first one is by a band called Gungor.  It's "Beautiful Things." 

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way?
I wonder if my life could really change at all?
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?
 
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
 
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
 
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
 
You make me new, You are making me new
Songwriters
Michael Gungor;Lisa Gungor


Read more: Gungor - Beautiful Things Lyrics | MetroLyrics

It's just an amazing song with soul-deep lyrics.  For me, the last line is especially poignant...you make me new, you are making me new.  I'm a work in progress.  Today, I might do some things better than yesterday, but there's always room for God to come in and make more beautiful things out of my dust. 

Today was a hard day.  It's been a hard week.  Amber Joy got sick last week, just a few days before we were to leave on our first vacation with friends.  We had a beach condo that was paid for already, Justin had taken off work, and we were so excited about getting our families together, as their boys are also from Taiwan.  Though her fever broke and she was feeling better by the time we left on Friday, she got sick again while we were at the beach, and then one of the other kids got sick.  Our friends ended up leaving a day early and today, I've had the post-vacation blues pretty badly.  It certainly wasn't the trip we had planned...I suppose nothing ever is.  Today, it was hard to feel like doing much "good mommy" work and I set my own expectations so high for myself, that when I fall short of those, wow, it really does a number on me. 

As a friend said to me tonight, "where do we learn that mommy guilt?"  There are so many things I see myself failing at over and over and over again.  But apparently I keep setting myself up for it because it continues.  I think Amber Joy's happiness depends on me.  Not only do I feel responsible for keeping her fed, clothed, and fairly rested...but I feel responsible for always disciplining her perfectly and in the right way (even though I have no idea what that looks like), and for making sure she eats healthy, high fat, high protein foods so that she'll gain weight.  And not only that, I hate it when she's bored because that must mean I'm not doing my job as a mom...I should keep her more entertained, but not too entertained because she needs to learn how to be creative and entertain herself.  Some days go by when we don't color, or craft, or paint, or do anything educational at all.  Just survive.  I worry when she's too fussy..."doesn't she like me?"  Have I loved on her enough today, or have I just said "no, stop it" more times than any amount of praise can overcome?  Aye, aye, aye.  No wonder I let myself down all the time!  Nobody could maintain that! 

Then there's me.  Where to start on the list of things I wish were different or better about me?  My "to do" list involves several things that I hate even having to write down.  Part of my lifestyle would be best... Bible Study, exercise, diet, reading, menu planning, blogging, organization/cleaning, and on and on and on.  Enter song #2.  It's called "Take Heart" by Hillsong United.

There is a light, it burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night and casts no shadow
There is hope, should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails
 
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again
 
In death by love the fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His name all our fears are swept away
He never fails
 
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again
 
All our troubles and all our tears
God, our hope, He has overcome
All our failure and all our fear
God, our love, He has overcome
All our heartache and all our pain
God, our healer, He has overcome
All our burdens and all our shame
God, our freedom, He has overcome
All our troubles and all our tears
God, our hope, He has overcome
All our failures and all our fear
God, our love, He has overcome
God, our justice, God, our grace
God, our freedom, He has overcome
God, our refuge, God, our strength
God is with us, He has overcome
 
Songwriters
Joel Timothy Houston


Read more: Hillsong United - Take Heart Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Did you catch that one line where it says "All our failure and all our fear...God our love, He has overcome."  I am claiming that.  God is my freedom, my refuge, my justice, my love, my hope, and my healer.  All of these worries and this junk that threatens to take my joy day after day is OVERCOME by my Savior.  I don't have to bear it. 

Take heart...He makes beautiful things.

Thanks be to God.

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